Tokyo nights

Puzzled

So now that I've renewed the lease on my apartment (that echoing sound you hear is my empty wallet), I've decided to invest a bit in making my apartment more livable. My first order of business is to get rid of my old sofa/day bed since sleeping on that thing gives me chronic back pain.

Herein lines my dilemma; I dunno how to get that fucker downstairs to the garbage room of my building.

When I first got the sofa, it took two heaving, sweating men from kuroneko to lug it inside my door. It's so heavy that just sliding it over about 20 cm requires effort. It's also a two seater, so it's too big for me to carry out the door anyways, regardless of it's weight.

How do I get the damn thing down to the garbage room?

I checked with the garbage website for my ward and they will not pick up large garbage at your home unless you're a senior or disabled in some way. All my male Japanese friends are smaller or frailer than I am, so the weight of the sofa might snap them like dry sticks. 

Recycle shops won't take it because Mochi's claws of doom have done their work on both front ends.

The only thing I could think of was to inquire with a benriya-san (a kind of handyman service in Japan that does almost anything). I just got a quote from one of them back today and it was 9000 yen just to bring the sofa downstairs. Nine...thousand...yen. WTF? For that price I could buy a cheap new sofa! I think it shouldn't cost more than 4000 to 5000 since I'm not asking them to take it away and throw it out for me!

Anyone who lives in Japan, feel free to give me suggestions on how to rid myself of this inconvenient piece of furniture!

Let legacies lie

I read this morning that a stack of screenplays by the late John Hughes have recently been discovered. These scripts were never produced, and there are apparently several movies or movie ideas written in his notes. Movie execs purchased them straight away and now want to put them into development.

I'm of two minds about this. Granted, when I was growing up, John Hughes movies struck a real chord with me. They echoed a lot of the same feelings and sentiments I had. Now I just look at his movies as something nostalgic I watch to remember my youth. From that point of view, I might watch any new movie of his out of sentimental value, not because I expect it to be good. On the other hand, none of the people who watched his original movies are struggling teenagers anymore. Will we even connect to anything he wrote? The majority of his movies were about teenagers who didn't fit in with the life adults expected of them.

If the movie (or movies?) turn out to be terrible, it will kind of tarnish the bright star Hughes ended his career with. Maybe we should just leave well enough alone?

Racism

Short post 'cuz I have a virus trying to rape my immune system as I type this.

I was sitting in my office today going through the phone book-sized March publication of Suumo magazine (real estate listings) and bemoaning the hard time foreigners face finding a place to live in Japan with or without guarantors. I went on a wee tirade about the racism in Japan, only to be met by my second favorite coworker's shocked response, "There's no racism in Japan!'

Okay all of you foreigners living in Japan, you may go laugh now. I'll wait right here.

Done?

Right, back to the story!

So I turn around to him and say, "How can you say that? Do you know how hard it is to get a cell phone if you're foreign? An apartment? A credit card?" To which he replied, "I know. A friend of mine is Chinese and he had a terrible time getting an apartment." See, to me this would illustrate my point, but he just didn't get it. "Foreigners,"he continued innocently, "are  kind of like pets. Not many buildings want them. That's not racism, that's just the preference of the landlords."

I was bouncing in my chair and spitting by this point. "Don't you see that it's racism? It's like foreigners are considered to be undesirable animals! Like because we're foreign we'll damage the apartment! They expect us to piss on the floor and scratch up the walls! Don't you see how denigrating that is?!? What are we, cockroaches? And treating us different from Japanese people may not be violent, but it's still a form of racism! Denying services to a racial group, imprisoning them without evidence or access to a lawyer, harassment, the inability to vote unless we give up our citizenship; all that is RACISM!" I went off on this topic for quite a while, as you do. The lack of large, affordable housing for foreigners on or near the Yamanote line may have added a little fuel to the fire.

Eventually, to stem the flow of wrath coming his way, he turned to me and said, "I guess you're right. Japanese people don't understand what racism really means, so they don't realize they're doing it. We usually think it means violence towards another racial group, but it can be more subtle than that."  YES! YES! Now if only every other Japanese person on this island could have the same breakthrough! Then I could get my fucking Visa and Mastercard applications approved and move into that sweet 20 mat apartment near Tokyo station!

Go wrath! Changing one Japanese person's mind at a time! Put me on national TV and I"ll browbeat the nation!

Lights, camera, action!

When you're a teacher in Japan, you are essentially a product to be marketed. You are a money maker, a PR Patsy, a sweetner, if you will, to draw in those money making bees (i.e. students or parents of students). This means that when your school is doing a PR drive to bring in new students, you might be "volunteered" to take one for the team and be in a commercial. You will end up with your face on the billboards of train stations, in newspapers and pamphlets, on websites, and on TV (unless you're not photogenic. Ugly teachers are hidden away until students have already payed their non-refundable membership fees).

This seems wrong, but in Japan your public image is everything. This is why if your school has only a surplus of ugly teachers, you should contact modeling agencies and hire foreigners for the day to pose as your staff. The professional photographers will take pictures of the models sitting in the school with "students", and make up a bunch of posters and pamphlets. If you could afford premium models, you're all set! The handsome young men on your website will attract horny, unfulfilled housewives who control their husband's money, and who think they might like to learn English as a hobby. Not REALLY learn it, and like study or anything, just sit around repeating the good looking teacher's words and giggling. It's a social thing! Get your girlfriends together and oggle a foreign man up close for an hour a week! It's cheaper than a host club! You can go for coffee after and discuss how young and handsome he is, in Japanese!

Some people don't give a shit about being used for PR and just do whatever is asked of them. I, on the other hand, prefer to avoid having my picture taken at any cost. But when you're trying to make sure you're employed next year, and your boss is holding your new contract hostage until you do his bidding, it's funny how your vocal damnation of whoring out teachers for profit can change. Next thing you know, you're smiling uncomfortably and making stilted small talk with a blank student in front of a camera crew during your lunch hour.

Yesterday afternoon I was warned by my coworker that she and I had been chosen to appear in the promotional video of our school (the school wasn't going to tell me until right before the shoot, so I wouldn't run away. Sneaky bastards). Lucky us. Our mission was to make small talk with students on camera to show how wonderful our English program is. Let's get one thing straight about my ghetto school right now; despite several kinds of English classes they have to take (reading, writing, conversation, grammar, etc.), some of our kids still can't spell "study" by the time they're 3rd years. We aren't exactly running a world class second language program here, and our kids aren't exactly eager, bright eyed waifs starving for knowledge. I wasn't sure how the director was going to work magic and fool people into thinking our school is the next Waseda Jitsugyo.

We gathered in a classroom to begin filming at exactly 12:45. The schedule promised that they only needed a few seconds of film and that we would be done by 1 p.m. Falser words were never spoken. The director of this fuckery was a perfectionist who took it all way too seriously. I hate perfectionists. It's  probably because I'm so far from being a perfectionist myself. If it's done half-assed, who cares? It's done! That's my motto! I felt like I was trapped in a nightmare with Joaquin Phoenix, Mariah Carey and Tyra Banks. We had to repeat our pathetic dialogues several times so that the director could get the cameraman to move around and film us from different angles. We also had to try different locations in the classroom. My smile began to slip after the seventh take and I could feel my bitch face was just itching to make a guest appearance.

The chosen students were, to be frank, not the brightest crayons in the box. Most of them were from the athlete classes and half of them look at books like they're alien artifacts. We do have a few smart kids in our advance classes, but none of them were chosen. I asked them simple questions, the kids looked at me blankly. I prodded them, they gave a completely wrong answer. I smiled, they looked desperate. This is how our lunch hour went. The director had us redo several takes because the kids weren't facing the camera or were refusing to answer my questions. Eventually I broke down and asked if we couldn't speak in Japanese, or at least allow me to help them in Japanese since they were so nervous and uncomfortable. I was given the most emphatic NO and told the whole point was to show the kids "having fun speaking in English." I shrugged and struggled on.

After going through the multitude of camera angles (that would do the Wachowskis proud), and going over our dialogue several times, I was allowed to escape about 40 minutes after taping had begun. 10 minutes to eat my lunch, get my class materials ready and hit the bathroom before next class! Alright!  As I was walking out the door, I asked the director if the taped conversations were okay, considering the broken English of the students. His reply was, "Oh, don't worry about that. We're going to dub a speech by the Principal over your dialogue, so no one will hear the English anyways. It's not important"

I am still enveloped in a rosy cloud of pride that I didn't stoop to violence. It was a near thing I tell you.

Lazy bastards

I did not make it to the bank on time today. I had good reason, as I was nursing a wine hangover from my birthday yesterday. This means that until January 4th, I have to survive on a little over a hundred bucks (all I have left in cash after said birthday). My savings account is not accessible by ATM, so I'm in trouble. No partying or buying much of anything (except convenience store dinners) for just under a week. Bugger.

I realize that January 1st to 3rd are national holidays, but how can they be closed on the 31st?!?! Even if the bank was just open in the morning, it'd help a lot of people. Banks here already have the worst hours, closing at 3 p.m. on weekdays and not open on weekends. Bank tellers in Japan are lazy bastards. How do I get a job in a bank here?

Getting beyond stupid

Okay, I seriously think that the security of people traveling is of utmost importance. I wouldn't want to be on a flight that was hijacked. Also, I wouldn't want to land in an airport just to have it blown up minutes later. I get the need for airport security.

BUT...

If someone just happens to have a last name that is common in Muslim countries, or even happens to be of that faith, it is NOT a reason to detain them for several hours of interrogation. This is totally against human rights.

I was reading today how one of my favorite Indian actors, Shah Ruhk Khan was detained in a U.S. airport and interrogated for several hours. Um, you would think when VIP guests (and trust me, Shah Ruhk IS a VIP) are flying in the airports that they would inform staff and hand out pictures or something. Shah Ruhk is bigger than God in India, so detaining their idol for interrogation as a terrorist did NOT go down well with them. I read that they were burning American flags and effigies of Obama in protest. lol. You go India! I'm not of Indian heritage, but even I'm extremely pissed on Shah Ruhk's behalf. Being pulled off his British Airways flight just because his last name is on some retarded "hot list" is unforgivable. America needs to smarten the fuck up. Look for the real dangerous people, and stop being racist.

Did you know that not only airport security but also airlines discriminate against people?

A dear friend of mine, let's call her E,  was born in Israel, but raised most of her life in Canada. She once told me over drinks about the time she was denied from boarding a plane because of where her parents came from. Turns out in the middle east there are airlines for Muslims and airlines for Jews (I dunno how the Christians get around), and they do not accept other religions on their planes.

E, whose ticket was bought for her by an ignorant boyfriend who didn't know the system, attempted to board the plane and was interrogated about her family background after they saw her passport. Of course, on  passports they have to list the city in which you were born. E was born in a city in Israel that has both Jews and Muslims residing there. They asked where her mother was from, she told them the city name and it was acceptable because the town holds both Jews and Muslims. She could still be Jewish. Then they asked where her father was born. Unfortunately he was born in a town that is known to be extremely Muslim. They told her to take her ticket and get the hell out of the waiting area because she was never going to get on the plane. Can you imagine? After paying for your plane ticket and going through the hell of airport security they tell you that you can't get on the plane because your father is from a Muslim town?

People need to get over themselves.

I'm sorry innocent people have to suffer because of the few people who actually intend harm. I will put up with the fingerprinting, the security photos, the questioning, the humiliation of having some stranger paw through my underwear in front of everyone, the rude, cold way in which I am treated just for flying home for Christmas, but I will NOT just take it when the issue turns to racism. Things need to change.

Get over it Japan

So for those who don't know Japanese culture and celebrities this post will make no sense to you, but bear with me.

So last week (Thursday I believe) a member of the super popular idol group SMAP was caught naked and intoxicated (funny how often the two go together) in a public park in Roppongi. He was arrested for indecency and carted off to the station. Had he been a normal person, he would have payed a fine or done some jail time and that would have been the end of it. Hell, if he'd been in American he would have gotten off scott free, had a televised interview with someone like Barbara Walters, and maybe had his own hour long special on ET.

As it happens, he is a famous person in Japan, and therefore expected to live up to standards beyond what we would expect of the common man.

First there was the newspaper and television news reports which blew his actions out of proportion, then the pulling of his ads by several high level sponsors including the Japanese government, then he was sent off to a press conference to apologize for his actions and be bombarded with stupid and inane questions like "Why do you drink alcohol?" or "What was the reason you took off your clothes?" And still the people are condemning him. One of the presidents of the companies he was doing commercials for even called him a "disgusting human being." Let us keep in mind that all he did was take his clothes off in an empty park and shout a little bit. No sexually harrassing children or pushing drugs in the school yard. I've seen a few company presidents in my day piss drunk dancing on tables and sexually harassing their subordinates, so I think that smug man can shove his disgusting comment up his own ass.

I just want to state that Kusanagi wasn't doing anything I haven't seen a million times since I moved to Japan. If you live here, the sight of overly stressed Japanese men drinking themselves into a stupor and then commiting all sorts of unforgiveable acts is incredibly common. In fact, I'm so desensitized to it at this point that I don't even blink an eye when that crazy drunk salaryman across from me exposes himself in the train. It's like been there, done that.

Tsuyoshi Kusanagi is merely a biproduct of his society. Since childhood he has been taught by example that the best way to relieve stress after work is to get rip-roaring drunk, be poured into a taxi by subordinates, and stumble home to a forgiving wife. How can he be blamed when he's only following the grand traditions layed down by his forefathers?

I think Japan really needs to get over itself. ESPECIALLY when it comes to dealing with celebrities. I don't agree with the american method of letting famous people off for their crimes though, don't get me wrong. I think all people, famous, rich, or otherwise, should be treated the same way as your average joe six pack.

The poor guy was stupid, but he doesn't deserve the incredibly harsh, insensitive comments that are being made about him by people who have probably done the same thing themselves (company presidents, I'm looking at you). He was in tears (genuine, I believe) at the press conference because he thinks that his career might be over because of this stupid mistake. His fellow SMAP members have also made pleas on his behalf to the media and society to cut him a break. And I honestly think he deserves one.

The kind of shit that the Japanese media blows up into "scandals" is nothing that regular people haven't done. All the scandals last year and the year before with the other Johnny's group Arashi, were also the same sort of thing. A small incident blown up out of proportion because the people involved were famous. I'd like to see the Japanese media put the same amount of care and attention into reporting on government scandals.

My rant is now finished. Please carry on with your day.

Japanese banks, I do not heart thee

When I first opened a bank account in Japan, I did it in Fukushima City (since I was living there at the time). Shortly after I moved to Tokyo two years ago, I went straight into the first Mizuho bank I found near my house to change my address. At that time, I was told by the bank staff that I would still keep the branch number and account number from Fukushima, but all my other information would change. Seemed simple enough so I left it at that.

Then the trouble started. Every single time there was a small error or problem with my account (automatic withdrawl forms incorrectly written, spelling problems, etc.) I had to contact the branch in Fukushima to sort everything out. I put up with it for about two years, but since I had that trouble with a bank transfer last month, I just got fed up.

Today I decided to hop on down to the local bank near my apartment and open a new account to use for savings. Turns out I can't do that unless I close the Fukushima account first. They said it was impossible to have two accounts at different branches. I was given a long talk about the pros and cons of closing my Fukushima branch account, and in the end I decided it was the best choice. I wanted to open a Tokyo branch account because I was tired of getting phone calls from Fukushima when I was working.

From the time I walked in until when I left, it took me approximately four hours to close one account and open my new one.

I forgot that nothing in Japan is ever simple. It is the land of paperwork. All forms need to be filled out in duplicate or triplicate copies and EVERYTHING needs your personal seal on it. I hate my hanko...

Just to make life more difficult for myself, I decided to ask them if they could set up a special savings account for me. I want to start saving money for the future (for a home, kids, retirement, house loan or what have you) and asked that a lump sum be deposited now and another set amount be automatically withdrawn from my new bank account each month. Deciding what type of account, the interest rate, how long I would have it, when and what time the money would be taken out, etc. took me the better part of 40 minutes due to the lengthy explanations. Since I like to do things quickly, I was ready to tear out my hair.

Turns out, in your normal account you have the option of storing money away. This always confused me because bank accounts have 3 kinds of deposits you can make; ordinary deposits, installment deposits, and time deposits. Now, from what I understood of the explanation, installment deposits are when you take a set amount every month from your account and set it aside for something. Time deposits are a set amount of money that you save for...you guessed it, a certain time period. I chose 5 years to start on mine. You can take the money from your installment deposits and put them into your time deposit if you wish. Complicated, right? My head was spinning from trying to understand what the tell was explaining to me. My banking Japanese is woefully inadequate.

The only silver lining to this whole experience was that my new cash card comes complete with a credit card and suica card built in. This means I now have a Japanese credit card (at last!) and a suica card with autocharge that I can use anywhere in Tokyo (be it bus, store, train, subway, etc.) which will be very convenient!

But....

The card doesn't come in for a whole month and during that time I have no way to withdraw money unless I go in person to the bank during business hours (and banks close at 3 p.m. here). This is a huge problem for me because I work until 5 p.m. This week and part of next week are the only times I can go do any banking until my new card comes in. I asked the woman at the counter "What am I supposed to do for money until my card comes in? I'm really busy at work." She suggested withdrawing a large sum now to tide me over until next month. I hope to God I took out enough. I'll be screwed if I didn't.

I've taken a'gin Sagawa Transport

Okay, there are two main delivery companies in Japan, Sagawa and Kuroneko (I know there are other smaller ones, but these are the biggies). One is staffed completely by surly individuals who pay no attention to the requested delivery time and show up pretty much whenever the hell they feel like it. The latter are models of good business practice with kind, professional delivery men who never complain (even when you ordered a couch that apparently weighs two tons and requires the delivery men to call in back up).

The reason for this rant is that lately I've been doing a lot of ordering off rakuten for the kitty and the delivery company of choice for all those online shops has been Sagawa 9 times out of 10. I dislike Sagawa so much, that sometimes I will order the item in another online shop even if it costs a bit more just because that company uses Kuroneko.

Today was another shining example of Sagawa's "excellent" service. I had asked that the item (okay no need for secrecy, it was a cute feeding dish for the kitty) be delivered between 6 to 8 p.m. At approximately 4 p.m. I was in the bathroom, settling down for a session with a good book when the doorbell rang. Now, most people caught in this situation might think "Meh, I'll just ignore it and get them to come back later." Unfortunately, when you are dealing with Sagawa it is never so easy. They will either a) say they are coming some time the next afternoon and then show up at your door just slightly before 8 a.m. or b) come the next evening before you get home from work and leave you ANOTHER failed delivery notice in your mailbox.

I didn't want to deal with the hassle, so I did my best to throw my pants back on, dash my hands under some water, and then answer the door. For my trouble,  I was then subjected to a public dressing down at my own door because apparently the man had left me 3 other undeliverable item notices for another order in my mailbox and I had failed to call him. I was told (most unkindly) that the companies get very vocal with the delivery guys if stuff gets sent back. When I could see his tirade was winding down, I timidly interjected that I had not received any such notice in my mailbox, nor had I received an email from the webshop saying my items had been sent. He argued, I counter-argued. We continued back and forth for a while until he said he would go check the mailboxes again.

5 minutes go by.....

7 minutes......

An embarassed delivery man slowly shuffled back towards me from the elevator and mumbled a humble appology. Turns out the idiot has been putting the item notices in my neighbors mailbox. Yes. I had a few things in mind I was going to say but..

AnyIhateselfimportantdeliverymen, I paid for my goods and them man tramped to deliver another item hours before requested. Next time, I'm paying that extra dollar and going with Kuroneko.

Random thoughts on a Tuesday

This was updated throughout my day today. Tuesday I'm in the office until 8, but don't actually have a lot of classes. There is plenty of sit and think time.

"I am not a bad person. I am not being punished in any way by being here. I can totally do this."

"What the hell does H want? Stop emailing me during work! Oh, it's a goo 知らせ mail."

" WHY does her mouth make that clicky sound every time she talks? It's driving me CRAZY! What is it? It's not a dry palate because she drinks tea all the time... I want to jump over the table and ram something down her throat. Maybe olive oil would stop it? Or honey? Or a stapler? Is it lunch time yet?"

"I wonder why Excelsior stopped doing that tuna melt sandwich? It was so good. I don't like the other ones much. Tuna is a great sandwich spread. Damn health warnings and rising mercury levels. "